Jennifer M Eaton’s doing a blog hop critique–250 words (plus the end of the last sentence)–you post, critique others from the list, and critique back anyone who gives you a critique.
This is from Changeable, which will be a YA urban fantasy with two narrators. I’m experimenting farther from my comfort zone on this one, so I may fail, but I’m enjoying the effort.
Summary: At the beach, Evelyn is watching two dolphins when her friend Mabel yells that they need to go. Both spot a swimmer headed to shore, and wait. The tide washes seaweed on Evelyn’s bare foot and she does a ‘get-it-off’ dance, which the swimmer makes a snarky comment about. Instead of responding, Ev starts to leave. He yells ‘Run, that’s what they all do!’ after her.
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I skidded to a halt, throwing up little flurries of sand, and pivoted to face him.
He hadn’t moved. He just stood there, judging me. Well, I’ve been judged enough today, buster. If you want to pick a fight, you chose the wrong girl.
I marched towards him, digging my heels into the sand.
Mabel groaned. I’d better act quickly, before she intervened.
“I wasn’t running from you. Though with that winning personality, I wouldn’t be surprised if people do flee from you.”
Well, that wiped the smirk right off his face. In fact, he seemed surprised. Why? Did he think I wouldn’t stand up for myself? Jerk.
“I’ve got someplace to be, so if you’re done…” My glare said he’d better be finished, because I was so done with him.
Cynthia and I love the ocean. That’s why we lived on the beach, and spent every moment we could out on the water. Sometimes I couldn’t get away, and felt like I might burst a vein from frustration. There’s so much weighing me down. But it felt great in the waves, weightless and free. Too bad we couldn’t stay there forever.
I dove under the cool water, deeper and deeper, light dimming. When my lungs ached for air, I raced for the bright wavering spot of sun. I launched though the ocean’s glassy surface, and with a twist, splashed down. Bobbing on the waves, I relaxed while Cindy played.
I felt someone’s gaze on me and turned shoreward. Someone was watching us!
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Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!