Jennifer M Eaton’s doing a blog hop critique–250 words (plus the end of the last sentence)–you post, critique others from the list, and critique back anyone who gives you a critique.
This is from Changeable, which will be a YA urban fantasy with two narrators. I’m experimenting farther from my comfort zone on this one, so I may fail, but I’m enjoying the effort.
Evelyn’s POV: At the beach, Evelyn is watching two dolphins when her friend Mabel yells that they need to go. Both spot a swimmer headed to shore, and wait. The tide washes seaweed on Evelyn’s bare foot and she does a ‘get-it-off’ dance, which the swimmer makes a snarky comment about. Ev starts to leave, but when he yells ‘Run, that’s what they all do!’ after her, she scolds him for being rude. He reveals that he was one of the dolphins she watched–and one of the Changeable. When Mabel tries to apologize for her friend, he interrupts.
Anthony’s POV: Anthony and his sister Cynthia went swimming that morning, hoping to have the beach to themselves. When he spotted Evelyn watching them, he changed to human and confronted her. Evelyn tries to apologize a few times, following him when he retreats to the ocean, and finally redirects him by asking his name.
* * * *
Now Mabel stared at me, her face hopeful, hands still dancing.
“I’m Evelyn. That’s Mabel.”
“Right.” I’d already heard their names. Where was she going with this?
“ So…” She trailed off, studying the water washing over her feet before finally meeting my eyes. “I was watching some dolphins and talking to my friend when a guy came out of the water and called me a wuss and a coward.”
“I did not!”
What was she talking about?
I saw Evelyn standing on the shore, faced out to sea, so she had to have seen me change! Unless she turned away at the right moment. The change from dolphin is quick. And if she had missed it… A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach warned that if I’d been wrong, I acted like a jerk.
I definitely hadn’t called Evelyn a coward. But I had interrupted Mabel, who’d gone back to huddling, head down.
“Hey.” I waited until Mabel lifted her head. “Sorry.”
Mabel flashed the most sincerely happy smile I’ve ever seen. “It’s okay.” Her lavender eyes sparkled like there’d never been tears in them.
“Just because someone’s different doesn’t make them wrong,” Evelyn said.
I stared at her.
She’d dropped her arms to her sides, and braced her feet against the shallow waves. One corner of her mouth quirked up, and the tension pulling her eyebrows together vanished. She didn’t act at all like a scared norm.
“Cindy! Come join us!”
Cindy changed, and came out of the water. She stopped beside me, swimsuit and hair dripping onto the sand.
“Siblings?” Evelyn’s gaze flicked from Cindy to me.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Good for you,” she half-smiled again.
* * * *
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