Jennifer M Eaton’s doing a blog hop critique–250 words (plus the end of the last sentence)–you post, critique others from the list, and critique back anyone who gives you a critique.
This is from Changeable, which will be a YA urban fantasy with two narrators. I’m experimenting farther from my comfort zone on this one, so I may fail, but I’m enjoying the effort.
Evelyn’s POV: At the beach, Evelyn is watching two dolphins when her friend Mabel yells that they need to go. Both spot a swimmer headed to shore, and wait. The tide washes seaweed on Evelyn’s bare foot and she does a ‘get-it-off’ dance, which the swimmer makes a snarky comment about. Ev starts to leave, but when he yells ‘Run, that’s what they all do!’ after her, she scolds him for being rude. He reveals that he was one of the dolphins she watched–and one of the Changeable. When Mabel tries to apologize for her friend, he interrupts.
Anthony’s POV: Anthony and his sister Cynthia went swimming that morning, hoping to have the beach to themselves. When he spotted Evelyn watching them, he changed to human and confronted her. Evelyn tries to apologize a few times, following him when he retreats to the ocean, and finally redirects him by asking his name. They introduce themselves, and Cindy comes out to join them.
* * * *
“Some people don’t have someone to be that close to,” Evelyn shrugged. “Nice meeting you, but we’ve got to go.”
“We’re almost a half an hour late, Ev,” Mabel said.
Evelyn sighed. “Oh, that’s great. Mother’s going to kill me.” She waved at me and Cindy, “See you around, Anthony.”
She took off across the sand, Mabel racing after. They stopped at a pile of towels on a rock, brushing off sand and putting on shoes, and disappeared over the hill.
“That was weird.”
“Norms,” Cindy waded into the waves, heading deep enough to change.
“Yeah.” I followed. But these two acted differently from most norms who knew what we were. I couldn’t dismiss them like she did.
I’d lost the mellow feeling from our morning swim, though. Awkward in my other skin, like I usually felt on land, I left the water soon.
I tried to put the weird norm girl’s flashing pale brown eyes out of my mind, but the argument we’d had kept intruding as I got ready for my job waiting tables at Melisende.
Not what I needed right now.
Showered and dressed in the uniform of black shoes, black slacks, burgundy long-sleeved shirt, and tie, I hopped on my bike. At the back of the restaurant, I chained my bike next to the others, where people sat for smoke breaks.
Inside, one of the managers scolded a new server for wearing a tie that clashed with her shirt. Past them, the lunch rush steadily grew.
* * * *
Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!