Jennifer M Eaton’s doing a blog hop critique–250 words (plus the end of the last sentence)–you post, critique others from the list, and critique back anyone who gives you a critique.


This is from Changeable, which will be a YA urban fantasy with two narrators. I’m experimenting farther from my comfort zone on this one, so I may fail, but I’m enjoying the effort.


Evelyn’s POV: At the beach, Evelyn is watching two dolphins when her friend Mabel yells that they need to go. Both spot a swimmer headed to shore, and wait. The tide washes seaweed on Evelyn’s bare foot and she does a ‘get-it-off’ dance, which the swimmer makes a snarky comment about. Ev starts to leave, but when he yells ‘Run, that’s what they all do!’ after her, she scolds him for being rude. He reveals that he was one of the dolphins she watched–and one of the Changeable. When Mabel tries to apologize for her friend, he interrupts.

Anthony’s POV: Anthony and his sister Cynthia went swimming that morning, hoping to have the beach to themselves. When he spotted Evelyn watching them, he changed to human and confronted her. Evelyn tries to apologize a few times, following him when he retreats to the ocean, and finally redirects him by asking his name. They introduce themselves, and Cindy comes out to join them. Ev and Mabel leave, and Tony heads to his job waiting tables.

*    *     *     *

I clocked in at one on the dot, and headed out to check on the tables handed off from another server. One table, three men and two women sitting at a table for four, caught my eye. They showed off Surf-Fins shirts, chatting about a performance they’d seen by those mutie sell-outs.


I straightened my tie, plastered on a smile, and went to refill their drinks.

You don’t have to like what other people do, Cindy says, but when your dislike sticks to you, you only hurt yourself. Just let it slid off you like water.



Breathless from our jog from the beach, Mabel and I skidded into the front door for the monthly Mothers and Daughters Together luncheon. It ‘promoted family togetherness,’ which Mabel and her mom manage pretty well. They don’t need fancy china, doilies, tea, and cookies to be a real family, though. They just are.

My mother and I, not so much. She hovers over me at home, worried about how I’m dealing with life’s challenges, relating to people, and planning my future. She means well. I love her, but sometimes… The gap between the two of us stretches too far.

But Mabel and I go to the luncheons, anyway. The colorful cookies aren’t bad, and the tiny sandwiches are tasty.

“Girls!” Mother’s voice rose in pitch and volume. “The luncheon starts in ten minutes! You promised to help, but Nicolette and I had to do everything.”

“Sorry, Mother,” I said.

“Sorry, Mom,” Mabel said.

*    *     *     *

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

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