This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of other bloggers, and the rules!)

Continues from my last snippet of “Lily Wasn’t There” –Becca watches Lily work, while avoiding any work of her own.

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Later that afternoon Becca suffered through a meeting, trying to appear involved. She was meant for so much more than fixing other people’s budgets and taxes. Years of work, but her manager favored Lily, even though she’d worked here a year less.

When the meeting was over, she hurried back to her desk.

Irving swiveled his chair to face her. “Thank God that meeting’s over!”

“I thought Vicki’d never shut up about the Fazio account.” Becca blinked, eyes irritated by her colored contacts, and rummaged in her desk drawer for eye drops. Too bad there wasn’t an easier way to transform her blah brown eyes into an eye-catching green.

*  *  *

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

17 responses »

  1. Becca sounds so jealous of Lily even though she wouldn’t swap life.

  2. She does seem to spend too much time thinking about Lily, versus living her own life?

  3. Frank Fisher says:

    This seems like an interesting story line. I’m sensing Becca’s disliking of her job. I’d like to see more of this so I can get a sense of what’s at stake. Good snippet.

  4. Interesting snippet – I think the two last sentences of the opening paragraph should be expanded a bit with more detail (additional sentences). Becca does sound youngish – but I’m sure her age/maturity is covered in earlier sections of the story. Her jealously toward Lily comes through nicely. Good job.

  5. So Becca was the popular girl type? So I take it it’s not easy for her coping in the real world where the seeming average girl gets what she wants? It will be interesting to see where this leads. I’d like to see more of Beccas dark side in order to understand her thinking. Good snippet!.

    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders

  6. musing5225 says:

    Certainly has a lot of promise! I’m curious to see more of Lily as well. I’m sure her story is more complicated too.

    • caitlinstern says:

      Since Becca is telling the story, all it gives is little hints–this is where the story floundered on the first draft. Hopefully I get it right this time! Thanks for reading.

  7. writerlysam says:

    That was an interesting and key reveal towards the end there, with Becca not even happy with her eye color – nice insight!

  8. […] Caitlin Stern, you are the lucky winner of Rise of the Magi! […]

  9. Becca sure seems dissatisfied with every aspect of her life, doesn’t she?

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