This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of participants, or rules if you want to join!)

Continues from my last snippet of “Lily Wasn’t There” –Becca watches Lily work, while avoiding any work of her own. Last line: “Was Lily at the meeting?”

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“Yeah, she was.” Irving scrolled through his meeting notes on his tablet. “She suggested we combine those Holt accounts, remember?”

“Why would I?” Becca shrugged, “Are you going to the barbecue next month?”

“Yeah, I hope Martin doesn’t bring his family. I had to toss the Armani pants his little monsters splattered with mustard.”

“Some people just can’t control their kids,” Becca examined her bleached blond hair for split ends. “But then, Martin’s such a putz, isn’t he?”

*  *  *

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

22 responses »

  1. Those two or so on the wrong side of life. It’s too funny to read and so close to reality.

  2. kizzia says:

    I love the little touches that tell us just how bored and uninterested Becca is – the offhand answer, the examining of her split ends – you paint a very vivid picture which very few words. I really like this and would love to read the whole story (I’m an accountant by day and I have to admit, I don’t blame Becca for her boredom one little bit).

    • caitlinstern says:

      I plan to post the whole thing, one snippet at a time, as long as everyone’s interested.
      As for her job, I admit I picked accounting because math was my least favorite subject in school–I’d much rather read a play than balance an equation. 🙂

  3. It sounds like a great set up for a transformational experience, because you’ve left it wide open for Lily’s life to be revealed… as not what appears on the surface, but what lurks below… and maybe Becca will make that “one-click” from surviving to thriving… I hope so, anyway!

    • caitlinstern says:

      Thanks, I’m heading towards a subtle grand reveal, if that makes sense. This was where the story floundered in my first draft–my reveal was so subtle, no one got it.

  4. Frank Fisher says:

    Those kids sound like monsters if they splattered mustard on his Armani pants. I love the realistic and humourous dialogue between them.

    • caitlinstern says:

      I leave it up to you to decide if the kids are monsters, or if perhaps wearing Armani to a company barbecue where people bring their family isn’t the best idea. 😉

  5. historysleuth1 says:

    Like how you nail the Becca character. She would so annoy me at work.
    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders

  6. Great story line! You are great at dialogue. To highlight her feelings, you could have Becca engaging in an inner dialogue as she has her conversation with Irving and others in the office to highlight her struggles. Good luck!

  7. Still not liking Becca and wondering am I supposed to like her? So far the absent Lily has all my sympathy going on LOL!

  8. I’m not sure I like Becca either. She sounds awfully judgmental and harsh.

  9. Obviously they aren’t really interested in work.

  10. Interesting snippet. Curious to learn more about Becca. Maybe she’ll be one of those characters that we love to hate? 🙂

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