This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of participants, or rules if you want to join!)

Continues from my last snippet of “Lily Wasn’t There” –Becca watches Lily work, while avoiding any work of her own. Last line: Vicki follows Becca out of the office for lunch.

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Becca’s heels clicked on the stone floors to the elevators, and she stabbed the down button three times. “Lily’s still at her desk. Think she’s staying in for lunch again?”

“She’s always here. I think she sleeps curled up under her desk each night.” Vicki studied a tiny chip in her deep red nail polish.

“Vicki!” Becca giggled, glancing at her own nails, which sported a much less trampy pale pink and a tiny rhinestone-centered flower on the thumbs.

They spent the elevator ride and walk through the downstairs lobby gossiping about Garry from legal’s latest receptionist girlfriend.

*  *  *

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

22 responses »

  1. These characters seem very real, feel like I know them. Terrific snippet. where IS Lily?

  2. Did enjoy reading this and as veronica says – the characters and their discusion/comments felt real (saw way too much of the same). Nicely done.

  3. Millie Burns says:

    Every week, I start to despise Becca even more…and Vicky seems like a nasty little thing too!

  4. danitaminnis says:

    Nice snippet!

  5. kaycimorgan says:

    Great snippet. I love the character interactions. They are such mean girls.

  6. I’m enjoying getting to know Becca, even if she is the anti-heroine 😉 Her personality is authentic. Great 8!

  7. These people are so familiar. It’s like taking snippets out of real life. Very easy to read.

  8. Debbie says:

    Oh yes, Becca is like so many other drones in the workforce. I was once more like Lily and got burned out in the process. Two extremes.
    You captured Becca’s character very well and I can just picture her.

  9. historysleuth1 says:

    You have the over obsessed traits down good with Becca. I don’t like her, so well done! 🙂

  10. DebE says:

    I love the little details: that she presses the button three times, the way they study their nail polish… DOn’t know that I like either of them much with their judgements and gossiping, but I’m guessing I’m not meant to!

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