This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of participants, or rules if you want to join!)

Continues from my last snippet of “Lily Wasn’t There” –Becca watches Lily work, while avoiding any work of her own. Last line: Becca and Vicki leave the office for lunch.

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Outside, the dry summer air slammed into them, and Becca’s polyester skirt clung to her legs, inching its way up her thighs. She tugged the skirt down as she slid into her new Mercedes M-Class.

At Koi Garden, one of their favorite lunch spots, they sat in their usual corner table, eating sushi and grading the other customers.

“What’s she thinking?” Becca nodded towards a woman in an unfortunate pair of khaki shorts that sagged in the rear.

“She probably wasn’t thinking at all.” Vicki sipped her green tea, “So, how’d your date go last night?”

“Horrible. Can you believe he asked to split the check?”

*  *  *

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

20 responses »

  1. Asking to split the check is a nice touch. Nice 8.

  2. burnsmillie says:

    Yup, I continue to dislike Becca,

  3. historysleuth1 says:

    Wow, Becca is like a catty high-schooler isn’t she? You got the attributes down well. I love the fact that you made me dislike the character and yet want to keep reading. I’ll be interested to see where this all leads.

    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders

  4. Becca has a Mercedes? This job must pay well enough then…I’m with everyone else, don’t like her. And where’s the nearly mythical Lilly? Another intriguing snippet for sure…

  5. Wonder how much she owes on that Mercedes?

  6. Evelyn Jules says:

    He asked to split the check?! *gasp* 😀 Love the little details throughout this excerpt, like their people watching/judging. Great eight!

  7. Debbie says:

    I can only imagine how Becca got that Mercedes! 😉 She sounds like a real gold-digger. Fun read.

  8. Becca is fascinating to me. She’s obviously meant to be a not-so-good heroine 😉 but I feel like there’s something beneath all that cattiness. Well done!

  9. Sarah W says:

    Becca has some growing up to do, I think. Should be fun to watch!

  10. Hmm… this may just be me, but I think the description of the weather hooked me more than the character dialog. I’m still not quite sure why I should care about Becca and Vicki. Thanks for sharing anyway!

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