This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of participants, or rules if you want to join!)

Continues from my last snippet of “Lily Wasn’t There” –Becca watches Lily work, while avoiding any work of her own. Last line: Becca and Vicki are talking about Becca’s date: Becca found the doctor unappealing, but tried to be nice, and is angry he didn’t appreciate that.

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All her friends were married or engaged, and a few already had babies. Becca had been the first of her friends with a high-school boyfriend, the first to go to prom with a senior, and the first to get a proposal, though that hadn’t worked out. Now she was falling behind and she didn’t like the feeling.

*

The next morning, at yet another meeting, she forced herself to pay attention. They’d be given assignments today, and she hated the way people snickered if she didn’t respond to her manager immediately.

“Rebecca, you’ll have the new Montemayor account,” Mr. Williams said.

Becca nodded, scribbling a note down. After the meeting was finally over, she approached her boss in his office: “Sir, about the new account. I’m not entirely clear on a few of the details…”

*  *  *

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

 

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

16 responses »

  1. Frank Fisher says:

    I like this story, I think it’s going well. I’m not sure Becca’s boss will take too kindly about her not being clear about all of the details. It makes her appear as if she doesn’t want to take on the account. Interesting 8!

  2. Marcia says:

    Yeah, I’m betting her boss won’t react well. It’s hard to cover it when you know your boss thinks you’re not giving 100 percent, and harder to cover it when you know your boss is a jerk! Does this guy routinely not give people full information, or does Becca routinely miss it? Nice 8.

    • caitlinstern says:

      You know, I hadn’t really thought about whether or not this guy is a good boss…

      Certainly Becca isn’t inclined to pay attention, but it could be a failing on his part, too.

  3. historysleuth1 says:

    Becca the slacker is going to be stumbling for words I think. I think you’re doing a good job with this. She follows the character traits well that you have set. And now in true slacker style, needs to ask questions to stall off not doing anything yet. Well done I say.

    (No snippet for me this week. Just doing a little reading between other stuff.)

  4. Millie Burns says:

    Becca, Becca, Becca. Seems to me, she’s lucky to get assignments and not the boot! Nice job Caitlin!

  5. evelynjules says:

    I feel for Becca. Life doesn’t always go according to plan, though, so she needs to be a little more proactive about things. Looking forward to the next excerpt! 🙂

  6. maggiewells68 says:

    Wow. Becca and I were leading parallel lives! Great work, I could totally relate.

  7. It sounds like Becca has always had it easy (always the first, in high school) and now she’s in the “real” world and doesn’t seem to have the same grit as Lily. Sometimes I wonder about that with my own life… maybe I had it way too easy in high school! I think a lot of people will relate to Becca, and there’s certainly a lot of room for growth and transitions in her life… lots of potential for this story. I was hoping you’d be back with more – thanks, and a great 8!

  8. Totally feeling sympathy for Becca now with the comment about people snickering at her. Why would they do that if she doesn’t respond quick enough? Great 8! 😀

    • caitlinstern says:

      Glad to hear someone else feels for Becca a little, even if she isn’t very likable.

      (She may have earned that snickering a little by being incredibly rude to people, though.)

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