This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of participants, or rules if you want to join!)

Continues from my last snippet of “Lily Wasn’t There” –Becca watches Lily work, while avoiding any work of her own. Last line: Becca is sent to get details of a new account from Lily, who is not at her desk, and rummages at her desk for clues, finding two pictures of Lily: as a teen holding a dark-haired and eyed baby, and grown up, with a blue-eyed toddler and a blond man.

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Curious, Becca pulled up the first picture to look on the back, where “Emma” was written in black permanent marker. As she reached for the second picture, someone cleared their throat behind her. Becca flinched and turned.

Lily stood behind her, a stack of folders tucked under her arm.

Unsettled, Becca took refuge in critiquing Lily’s outfit—another boring suit, this one gray with a lighter gray pinstripe, and a purple shell. Becca smoothed the ruffles on her aqua suit jacket and tugged at the middle shirt button that always seemed to come undone. 

“Can I help you?” Lily’s hazel eyes showed no emotion Becca could read.

“Mr. Williams said I should ask you about the Montemayor account.”

*   *   *   *   *   *

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

22 responses »

  1. Frank Fisher says:

    Oh, there’s trouble for Becca ahead. She won’t get away with snooping at Lily’s pictures. Great how you have Lily come up behind her like this. Nice 8!

  2. historysleuth1 says:

    Oops! Caught snooping! I like that Lilly gave away nothing. Nice job. Let’s see if Becca’s answer is good enough. I somehow doubt it. 🙂
    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders

  3. Finally, Lilly!!! I loved the scene, so uncomfortable inagoodway. Can’t wait for more. Great snippet.

  4. katyaarmock says:

    I like that Becca’s dialogue doesn’t show she’s unsettled.

  5. burnsmillie says:

    Very fun this week…and Lilly was there! This eight was delightful, nice to see Becca squirm a bit, even if she didn’t show it to Lilly!

  6. Lily’s response shows her strong nature, and I can’t help but hope that Becca’s curiosity will turn to admiration…. but I wonder how Lily’s story will unfold. The more I learn about Lily, the more I want to see what has happened in her life!

  7. Gemma Parkes says:

    I’m enjoying these characters and look forward to reading more!

  8. maggiewells68 says:

    Love how you’ve managed to convey the awkwardness at the end of the snippet. Well done!

  9. Evelyn Jules says:

    Nice encounter here. Looking forward to see how Becca explains herself. Great excerpt! 🙂

  10. tss tss Becca, it’s not good to put your nose in other people’s stuff.

  11. Hey, there’s Lilly! 😛 Even tho Becca is a character we’re not supposed to really like, I like that she is so consistent with her personality. She also is very interesting to me, to see how she thinks. I enjoy these posts!

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