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Last lines: Becca is running down the stairs, late for lunch, and almost runs into a man with a toddler coming up the stairs. Becca: “Do I know you?”
“You’re one of Lily’s co-workers, right? I’m her husband, Jason, and this is Daniel.”
“Is he your second child?” Becca recalled the pictures taped to the wall above Lily’s desk.
“No, he’s my first,” he offered a polite smile, opened the door, and disappeared up the stairs.
How rude. Becca shoved her way through the crowd leaving the building. Later, when she was eating, she wondered why Jason had married Lily, instead of a prettier girl like Becca.
* * * * * *
“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.
Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.
caitlinsternwrites 
He’s Lily’s husband? Wouldn’t have expected him there. Nice how she wonders why he married Lily.
Yep, he’s come to pick Lily up for lunch. Becca usually is gone by this point, which is why she hasn’t run into him before.
I’m thinking she’s got Lily pegged all wrong. Interesting.
Becca has some very firm opinions–and some special prejudices. 😉
This story has me thinking. One minute I think Lily is the bad guy and next I’m wondering about Becca and her sanity. LOL. great teasing snippet
I think Becca is sane enough… Probably. o.O
His first child but not hers maybe? Mysterious story here. I don’t know what to make of Lilly. Which is good. Becca ya, got her number. Enjoying your story. 🙂
History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders
He’s got no reason to lie about the random, personal question asked by a stranger. Your guess is spot on. 🙂
All you’ll get is Lily hints–hopefully enough to form a picture.
Oh I SO have worked with people like Becca in the past LOL. you get her pretty spot on. Another great snippet.
No one deserves a Becca coworker. There ought to be some way to protect yourself from them.. like saying ‘this lighting makes you look jaundiced’ and then running while they’re looking for a mirror.
Becca, thinking someone else is rude?
While shoving her way through people, probably clipping a few with her purse, and stepping on a few feet. She’s something… special. 😉
Wow…Becca really does have some…strong opinions. She gets under my skin, not sure if that’s the intention, but she really does. lol. Nice 8
Becca is held together by makeup, tight clothes, and opinions. And she’s not meant to be likable, really–entertaining, but prickly and self-centered.
Very interesting about the “first child” comment and as others said above – Becca is a real treat (I mean that in the most sarcastic way). Nice 8.
I’m glad people are putting together the pieces–how Lily can have two kids, and her husband only has one. This is where I lost my audience last time, because I didn’t want to just give away the answer.
Mixed thoughts about first or second. Interesting eight.
mixed
He’s not lying, if that’s what you’re wondering. That is *his* first kid.
Becca is such an interesting choice of POV character—I want to smack her one, but I’m actually enjoying that feeling. How do you do that? 😀
Some characters are easy to write–Becca just click-clacked onto the page, fussing with her hair and sneering at the other characters.
I’m glad you’re enjoying reading about her–she’s pretty fun to write.
Not to be the voice of dissent or anything and in my defense I read back over 2 months of Weekend Warriors. You also said that this is a story that doesn’t work. So, here goes. I find nothing sympathetic about Becca’s character. She is the woman I’d least want to know in an office setting because she thinks very highly of herself and very little of others. She needs some sort of redeeming quality compels us to want to read more about her. So far, I don’t. Maybe people aren’t getting past her ugly demeanor to get into the story.
That said, I immediately got the two kid reference thing but the fact Lily has the picture in plain sight shows she’s not trying to hid anything. Becca makes everything about her and since she’s our POV character, it’s understandable. And this is shown in her thoughts about Lily’s husband when he really didn’t do anything rude.
Interesting snippet. Thanks for sharing.
This story is one of those ‘clever ideas’ you get sometimes… which often don’t work as more than an idea.
A POV exercise: What if the narrator was tangential to the main character? And fairly unreliable? In this case, a self-centered co-worker.
The story is actually about Lily, and I don’t mean for Becca to be likable or redeemable–she’s just telling the story. The problem lies in slipping the story through her filter so it makes sense.
Maybe the idea is too complicated to make a good story–we’ll see, the story is more than halfway done.
Becca is so incredible. She thinks so high of herself as well. She was the rude one asking his Daniel was the second child too. So typical of her.
It’s not a question I’d ask a stranger, but Becca’s pretty self-centered. She’s special indeed. 😉