This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of participants, or rules if you want to join!)

Last lines: Becca has just been fired, and Irving got the promotion she wanted, so when he tells her it’s her own fault, she kicks over his trashcan.

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That was satisfying, but he deserves worse. 

She followed up with a kick to the side of his desk, which sent a few files cascading to the floor to join the scattered trash on the floor.

Well, it’s all trash, really.

“Careful of my computer!” Irving darted forward, but retreated when she stalked toward him.

“I’ll be very careful,” Becca grabbed the full coffee pot from the nearby break area and poured it over his computer and the remaining files on his desk.

That’s what he deserves for stealing the promotion.

She dropped the pot on the floor, swept the rest of her stuff off her desk into the box, and scooped the box up.

*   *   *   *   *   *

NOTE: I’m doing NaNoWriMo this month, so expect my replies to your comments to be a little slow, but I’ll get to you, promise.

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

22 responses »

  1. The ultimate in trashing. I find no redeeming quality in her and wonder what happens next, my friend?

  2. You’ve certainly made Becca a strong, believable character…but not likable. Sometimes I feel a bit of sympathy for her and then she does something Becca-ish and I lose all patience with her. Ummm, she’s the “heroine”, right? Is her character going to have an arc or just keep “being Becca”? I know it’s hard to convey the full story in just excerpts…the writing is very skillfull so kudos!

    • caitlinstern says:

      This is why the story didn’t ‘work’ before. Becca isn’t the heroine, she’s the narrator, and an unreliable one at that.

      Lily’s the protagonist, and I wanted to tell her story with a tangential character.

      It was probably a bad idea.

  3. Gemma Parkes says:

    Stroppy little minx! I hope they make her pay for that computer!

  4. S.J. Maylee says:

    Yikes! That does it, I’m never getting in Becca’s way, lol. Very visual snippet. Well done.

  5. Millie Burns says:

    I so hope they arrest her for destruction of private property…she really deserves that too. But, now you have me worried about poor Lily. Is she going to feel like it’s okay to hurt her as well?

  6. Sarah W says:

    Has she hit bottom, yet? Can we watch? 😀

  7. chellecordero says:

    Becca does seem pretty unlikable and yet one feels pity for her because I think she truly believes she is the one who has been wronged. However she will eventually need her comeuppance before the damage she causes, to herself and others, is tragic. Great “bad guy”, very believable.

  8. I have a feeling she’s really stepped over the line, now, though I’m surprised Irving didn’t try to stop her when she grabbed the coffee and headed for his computer.

    • caitlinstern says:

      Some people hesitate in the moment–Irving is one of those people, I think.

      You tell yourself it’s not going to happen, some wouldn’t *really* do that, that it’s someone else’s job to stop it…

      Also, Irving is kind of a wuss. 😉

  9. Carrie-Anne says:

    Her ex-boss will probably have something to say about the destruction of company property!

  10. Oh man, Becca has lost it. I like disliking her. 🙂 She reminds me of a few narcissistic people I have met in my life.

    I find it interesting to see things through Becca’s eyes, but maybe we need more of Lily if she is the MC, or Becca’s perception of Lily. We have only seen mention of Lily at the park with her family and in passing at the office, and Lily has had scant dialogue. We don’t know much about her (even from Becca’s POV of her). I know it is hard with snippets to get things across only 8 sentences a week. I am enjoying the story and went back to read last week as I missed it since I couldn’t participate last week.

    We have seen Becca’s perception of Lily and a little bit of Becca mentioning others perception of Lily, but mainly Becca’s view of her. Maybe we need to see more of what other people think of her, even if Becca says she doesn’t understand it. Dialogue between the two, or Becca eavesdropping on Lily talking to someone else? Something to make Lily a well rounded character just like Becca already is to us. Am I making any sense? 🙂 Still loving it!

    • caitlinstern says:

      I wrote in, and then deleted a whole scene where Becca overhears someone talking about Lily’s tragic past. It felt too ‘easy.’

      But maybe just a tad more Lily–and a few more hints instead of a big reveal would work. I will think on this, after NaNo is done.

      Thanks for the advice!

  11. Becca is heading for trouble but that’s fun to read. 🙂

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