This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of participants, or rules if you want to join!)

Last lines: Becca has just been fired, and Irving got the promotion she wanted, so she has a temper tantrum, kicking over his trashcan and pouring the coffee pot over his desk.

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“You crazy bitch!” Irving knocked the box out of her hands, “You can’t do that!”

“Don’t call me a bitch, you loser,” Becca slapped at him, catching his arm with her nails.

Irving’s computer crackled and emitted a shower of sparks, one of which sent a wisp of smoke curling up from the pile of trash on the floor.

“You ruined my computer! I’m glad you’re fired! Who’d want to work with a psycho like you?” Irving yelled, face flushed with anger.

*   *   *   *   *   *

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

22 responses »

  1. Gemma Parkes says:

    Who indeed! Not me, I left the building as soon as i saw her! Powerful 8!

  2. Caitlin, who is the heroine? We must love her.

    • I’m totally with you, Charmaine. I think this every week just about when I’m reading the latest snippet from the story….Becca is well written but so totally unlikable….and I certainly detect no signs of her becoming sympathetic LOL! I think I’m hanging in there for that!

      • caitlinstern says:

        I definitely need to work on that–but I don’t think I can make Becca likable without changing her completely.

        She’s spoiled and selfish.

        Also unloved and sad–pity is probably the closest anyone will get to liking her.

    • caitlinstern says:

      Lily is.

      After I’ve put the last few snippets up, I’m going to add in a little more of her to the story, per the advice I’ve gotten from WeWriWas.

  3. S.J. Maylee says:

    Yikes! Tense moment. I definitely wouldn’t want to work with her either. Well written snippet.

  4. Sarah W says:

    She needs to be arrested for that, I think.

    I kind of like hating her, though . . . this isn’t a romance (right?), and I love anti-heroes.

    • caitlinstern says:

      Nope, just a random little narrator-experiment fiction short story.

      Even after I tweak this, Becca will never be likable. I can’t imagine her being so–I’d have to change so much she’d basically be a different character.

  5. Carrie-Anne says:

    At least the sudden, unexpected demise of my old faithful 1993 Mac wasn’t that dramatic, just the monitor short-circuiting when a plastic cup of water tipped over and spilled inside. Is the boss going to be coming on the scene to confront her before she leaves?

  6. burnsmillie says:

    I continue to loathe Becca : ) The last paragraph would work better for me, if it was like this….
    “You ruined my computer!” Irving yelled, face flushed with anger. “I’m glad you’re fired! Who’d want to work with a psycho like you?” For me, that little pause in the rant feels more real. Just my humble opinion : )

  7. Evelyn Jules says:

    Wow, that’s harsh. I mean, a computer? Don’t ruin someone’s computer. That’s like their lifeline. lol. Well, maybe only for me. Great job on this! 🙂

  8. Intense! I’m a little scared of Becca at the moment. lol Irving makes me mad though. Why did he knock the box from her hands? Enjoyed your 8!

  9. chellecordero says:

    Very unlikable – will there perhaps be a moment when Becca “steps up” in a crisis, kind of the person you would least likely expect to have your back? …oh and ouch, I feel for that computer.

    • caitlinstern says:

      Nope.

      Lily’s the hero, Becca’s just the narrator–kind of like The Great Gatsby. I’m going to add some more of Lily in my rewrites to make that clearer.

      Yep, the computer did *not* deserve that. o.O

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