This 8 sentence blog hop is hosted by The Weekend Writing Warriors. (Click the link for the list of participants, or rules if you want to join!)

Last lines: Becca is fired, and has a temper tantrum, knocking things over and starting a fire that Lily puts out, but the Building is evacuated. The security guards escorting Becca get separated from her, but then a hand lands on her shoulder. Becca: “Get off me, you-”

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“Is this her?” The police officer asked over his shoulder.

“Yes, that’s her,” Irving said.

“You have to come with me,” The officer moved Becca away from the building. “You have the right to remain silent; anything you say…”

That bastard Irving! Becca twisted to look behind her at her co-workers huddled together, staring at her with pale, shocked faces. What a bunch of losers.

*   *   *   *   *   *

“Lily Wasn’t There” is a short story I can’t quite get right. I’m hoping the feedback from WeWriWa will help.

Becca’s life hasn’t gone how she planned. Stuck in an accounting job she despises, she scrapes by with a paycheck that doesn’t buy her half of what she deserves. She wants to find a man before she’s thirty, get married, and never work another day in her life. While at work, she people-watches, and one particular coworker is often the focus of her attention–Lily. Lily is everything Becca hates–buttoned-up, bland, and overly dedicated to her job–or so Becca thinks.

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About Caitlin Stern

I have a MA in English, and have so many fantasy/urban fantasy WIPs it's not even funny. I'm an avid reader of science fiction, fantasy, mystery, romance, biography, fiction, and anything else that catches my interest. I collect books, and bookmarks I find that are visually appealing and useful.

30 responses »

  1. S.J. Maylee says:

    Oh boy, Becca’s going to get it now. I’m actually glad she’s in custody. Maybe once she hits her bottom she can find her way back???

    • caitlinstern says:

      I didn’t write the scene, though I may add a kind of coda later…but I think so (and as I’m writing it, I’m likely right.)

      Becca needed a wake-up call, and the small ones weren’t doing it for her. This is a nice big alarm bell, the kind that comes with court-mandated therapy. She’ll be okay.

  2. Wondering where we are in the story’s timeline – will Becca get redeemed? This is so very well written but I find it hard to care about such an unpleasant “heroine”, you know? Although you certainly have my curiosity aroused as to what will happen to her next!

    • caitlinstern says:

      The story’s almost over. I never write any more about Becca, though I can imagine how her life goes.

      On my rewrite, I’m going to try to clarify that this story is about Lily, actually. We’ll see if that works. If not, it was a fun experiment. 🙂

  3. Millie Burns says:

    Becca is rightly getting what she deserves…today’s eight make me so happy : )

  4. I agree with Veronica. She’s so unpleasant, to put it mildly, why have her in the story if there’s no redemption? Just a suggestion. Happy New Year. You are a fine writer.

    • caitlinstern says:

      I was going for an unreliable narrator, like Edgar Allen Poe writes. Some of them are quite unlikable, too… At least Becca hasn’t walled someone up and left them to die. o.O

      Happy New Year to you, too!

  5. Sarah Cass says:

    Seems like Becca is getting exactly what she deserves.

  6. Evelyn Jules says:

    Well, I’m with everyone else. Happy to see Becca getting what she deserves. It’s a very Merry Christmas after all. 😉 Great job, Caitlin!

  7. Kate Warren says:

    Wow! Well if anything can change Becca’s line of thinking, I’m guessing this will. So do the charges include arson?

  8. Sarah W says:

    Oh, Becca . . . you do know that there’s no moisturizer or Jimmy Choos in jail, right?

    (I’m pretty sure this isn’t this kind of story, but I’m just hoping that Lily engineered her downfall, somehow . . . )

    • caitlinstern says:

      Yes, jail is going to be a trial. Think of her manicure! And her hair! o_O

      (That made me laugh. 😀 No, Lily isn’t that kind of character. She’s kind, but practical. She won’t save someone who refuses help like Becca does.)

  9. Maggie Wells says:

    Yes, she needs a bit of what she has coming to her to round out the story. Thanks for sharing. Happy New Year!

  10. Becca engineered her own downfall.

  11. Carrie-Anne says:

    She’s got gumption and chutzpah, to still be blaming other people for what she did!

  12. Sounds like she had a few problems, being arrested is the least of them.

  13. Becca’s in trouble now! I like how she reacts though. She’s very consistent. Great job.

  14. Is she ever going to get a wake up call? I wonder.

    • caitlinstern says:

      I think what’s coming will be her wake up call. Not right now, while she’s still raging–but later, in the inevitable jail time, and probably some court-mandated anger management classes.

  15. It will be interesting to see what happens now. Will Lilly come into the story? We don’t know much about her. Looking forward to this week’s excerpt to see what happens next.

    Don’t mind me, I’m still catching up from the holidays. 🙂

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