Jennifer M Eaton’s doing a blog hop critique–250 words (plus the end of the last sentence)–you post, critique others from the list, and critique back anyone who gives you a critique.
Since I’ve submitted Six Sunday Snippets in succession on a single story… I decided to pick a different WIP. Of which I have several, as I’ve fairly recently gotten over my tendency to never finish anything.
This is from Changeable, which will be a YA science fiction story with two narrators. I’m experimenting farther from my comfort zone on this one, so I may fail, but I’m enjoying the effort.
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Halfway into summer vacation, my best friend Mabel and I spent the morning down at the beach. We caught a little sun, splashed in the water, and searched for interesting seashells and sea glass. I watched the sunlight refract off the water’s choppy surface, listened to the waves shush over the sand, and breathed in the salt and decay smell of the air.
Two dolphins appeared out in the deep water. They launched out of the waves, silver-gray bodies trailing crystal drops before they splashed into the ocean’s surface. Faintly, I heard my friend calling my name.
Come on, Ev!” Mabel huffed, exasperated.
I reluctantly turned from the spectacle of the dolphins. Mabel’s easy-going, but a stickler about being on time, and we had a lunch appointment. Without her, I perpetually ran a few minutes late.
“Ev!” Mabel repeated.
“What?” I glanced back at the sea to say goodbye to the dolphins. A human form broke the surface of the water near the shore, and swam towards me. “Coming! Just a sec!”
Mabel spotted the person in the water, glanced at her watch, frowned, but nodded.
It might be one of our friends, after all, and Mabel never encouraged me to be rude. I don’t need encouragement, she says, because I have rudeness down to an art.
The returning tide lapped over my bare feet, and I wiggled my brown toes into the damp white sands. My contentment died as the waves washed a strand of seaweed over my left foot. Ugh!
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Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!